Essays / The Pontifical Papers

[Sunday Punch] BUHARI’S ANIMAL FARM AND THE ZERO-SUM GAME | by Ayo Sogunro

“Surely, comrades, you do not want Jones back?” Once again this argument was unanswerable. Certainly the animals did not want Jones back; if the holding of debates on Sunday mornings was liable to bring him back, then the debates must stop. ― George Orwell, Animal Farm Last week, a presidential aide posted photos of the … Continue reading

Essays / The Pontifical Papers

AND SO, FOLKS, I WENT TO MEET THE PRESIDENT | by Ayo Sogunro

There is something fundamentally wrong with my car. Some two weeks ago, while navigating my way to the Fashola organized “Valentine Dinner with Buhari”, I knocked off my front bumper. This weekend, on my way to “Meet the President” at Victoria Island, Lagos, a piping in my car’s radiator sprung a leak, consequently the car overheated … Continue reading

Essays / The Pontifical Papers

IT’S NOT A FENCE, SILLY. IT’S A RIGHT! | by Ayo Sogunro

A lot of us Nigerians need lessons in vocabulary development. It has become quite alarming that the word “fencist”, and its variations, is being brandished as a description for Nigerians who—whether from a lack of conviction in the candidates or a sense of personal privacy—do not show direct or open support for any of the … Continue reading

Essays / The Pontifical Papers

BUHARI POTTER AND THE LABYRINTH OF POLITICS

Hey, do you know who I dislike? General Muhammad Buhari—the Nigerian military Head of State who, while in office, churned out dick move after dick move until he became widely acknowledged as a generally certified asshole. Do you know who I dislike almost as much? General Muhammad  Buhari of the All Nigeria Peoples Party, and later, the Congress for … Continue reading

Essays / The Pontifical Papers

YOU’RE STILL ON CERTIFICATES, EH? YOU HAVE NO EFFIN’ CLUE! | by Ayo Sogunro

If you think the availability or not of General Buhari’s certificates are the main issue in Nigeria’s electoral process, then you need to get your head out of that placard-carrying ass. There are graver issues at stake, with terrible possibilities for Nigeria’s future. Now is the time for us—as citizens—to start scrutinising the serious issues, instead … Continue reading