First let’s take a deep sigh for those who died in Kaduna yesterday. There’s nothing funny about that. What’s funny, however, is that the presidency requires even more money to feed the guests and residents of Aso Rock. That is freaking hilarious.  Its the height of a ridiculous lack of  a sense of irony—gets my funny bone every time I think of it.

All those Occupy Nigeria placards? A waste.

Let’s not kid ourselves, this country is sick. And not sick—crazy, like this awesome blog. Sick—dying,  like poor Somalia. And as much as we all hate to talk about the problems of  Nigeria on a Monday morning, let’s quickly highlight a few symptoms of this sickness: (i) an economy that no one in government or the CBN seems to understand, (ii) a government that is all motion and no movement, (iii) an electricity situation that got better and then got worse, (iv) a fuel scarcity that is gradually becoming the norm.

(v) Tonto Dikeh venturing into music…

But our happy sickness is not the news today. Ekekeee and the other user-friendly blogs will happily give you all the information you need.  The next question, however, and the grit of today’s serving is: what the fuck are you planning to do about the situation?

This response is allowed only if you’re ten and younger. 

Well, Pastor Adeboye says Nigerians should pray more. And since that venerable man is the closest Nigerians have to placing God’s number on speed dial, I suppose we should listen to him tolerantly. But Pastor Adeboye fails to mention that a lack of prayers is not Nigeria’s problem.  C’mon, if there was a world praying tournament, Nigeria would pray the shit out of every other country. We would kick the Vatican’s ass when it comes to prayer, any day, anytime. Bring it on.

We would kick it so hard, the Pope would be forced to declare Nigeria a Holy Land.

And here’s something else Pastor Adeboye fails to mention: God has no specific contract to safeguard Nigeria, only Israel—the Biblical one—was given that reassurance. Nigeria was purely Lugard’s administrative business—there was nothing divine about it’s formation.

Nigerian girls, though? Divine!

Here’s also what Pastor Adeboye fails to mention:  his own church mandate is not restricted to Nigeria—or the continued existence of Nigeria. It may have started in Nigeria, but it has long gone international.

Also, to be fair, the job description read; “Go ye into all the world…”

When that doomsday we seem headed for finally knocks on the door with a cheery face, the swollen politicians, the big businessmen, a few celebrities and the global religious players will most likely slip out of the hellhole and migrate to continue business safely in sane parts of the world. Of course, we can’t say for certain what any single pastor will do in those days of crisis (we can!), but is a surer bet to assume that the day when pushes come to kick-ass shoving, a Nigerian pastor will take personal comfort over suffering for the masses.

“Relax! We’re all in this together. Right?”

And when safely ensconced in the arms of any of the RCCG parishes in at least 14 other countries, Pastor Adeboye will pick up the microphone and mournfully tell his sympathetic congregation how he warned Nigerians to pray more.

Also, no other pastor can top Adeboye when it comes to displaying a mournful face.

Now the free moral for today: take a cue from Pa Adeboye and co. If your fame and fortune in life is dependent on the continued existence of Nigeria, then its time to maybe rethink your strategy.

The Laws of the Federal Republic of Nigeria won’t mean jack shit when there’s no Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Of course, it’s good to be optimistic about Nigeria, and at this blog, we’re fond supporters of Proudly Nigerian shenanigans. But it’s also better to be practical about reality. As Pastor Adeboye will advise you frankly, if you care to ask: “Brothers and sisters, in or out of the Lord, go ye into all the world and step up that long-suffering game of yours”.


Or just stay where you are and watch. Like the rest of us.



  1. Outstanding. You did it again, as usual….

    But ermm, by the time those Redeem Church members catch you ehn…. “Daddy G.O” won’t be there to save you.


  2. ‘This response is allowed only if you’re ten and younger. And a girl. And silly.’

    That actually sounds like a response to someone’s comment from last week’s article. Good job as always and anyone that doesn’t really like certain parts of the English language should stick to the BBC.



  4. Lovely piece. It’s time men of God get out of comfort zones and be really blunt about the state of the country. The bible made it very clear that its only on righteousness can a nation be established!


  5. You have virtually spoken the minds of millions of Nigerians,of course who are basically lacking in courage:we hav no business with the advocacy of “Pray More Nigeria” and of course Nigeria may never become true nation and we may never really achieve the installation of a competent leadeship that may drive Nigerians in the direction of the desired human nd economic development.There may also never be anointed men of God to bluntly tell the Nigerian leadership thats its shameful that this country remain stagnated inspite of the rich human nd natural endownments,what more should we demand of God?With whats happening now:Nigerians must REEXAMINE the basis of our forced union,peerioood!Iree o.


  6. A briliant article, no doubt. But my fear is that writing about our situation in Nigeria is as uneffective (useless) as praying about it. Enough has been written. Enough prayer has been said. We need to just step up.


  7. These men (don’t know who they are of) need to be told wassup!
    If it was only prayers, Nigeria Prays would have us covered by now…then them Holy Ghost Conference, Shiloh, etc would have just backed it up slightly. They only preach faith without works when it comes to tithing.

    I love the forthrightness you display.
    Biko, do me a favour & send me the link to fresh articles you put up on @CocosGist.
    Thank you.


  8. Pingback: CROC CITY!! « Fairy Godsister's Blog

  9. Pingback: IDLEMINDSET | GOD’S OWN TEAM AND PLENTY TROUBLE TOO « Random Flashes From An Idle Mind


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