Now lets be clear about today’s lesson right from the start: this is a famzing article. And for those of you unfamiliar with that nicely rolling slang,  this article is essentially an unpaid and unsolicited advertisement. You know, like those ass-licking felicitations you see in newspapers whenever a wealthy man achieves something remarkable in its ordinariness. Same as you lick at work everyday.

“And congratulations on your new Prado!”

And now that we’re all clear on the famzing nature of today’s diatribe, the laws of decency and good breeding forbid you from pointing out that fact in the comments, or mentioning it to me on twitter or in person.

You ladies, of course, are always welcome.

But what’s it about famzing that requires an apology, anyway? It’s not the famzing itself that should be worrisome; instead, like sharing a toothbrush, it’s the person you’re doing it with that matters. Or maybe that’s too far out an example. The point is: why should celebrating El-Rufai require an apology? It’s not as if we’re celebrating Doyin Okupe—and I’ve celebrated Doyin Okupe. (And if, just in case, you’re Doyin Okupe, please remember to reward me handsomely.)

Your fat well fed cheeks are a continual source of inspiration to all attack lions worldwide

Now for those of you who know little about art and culture, here’s a 5-second lesson that can broaden your knowledge. If you look up Google’s homepage today, you will see a doodle celebrating not just the sculptor, Auguste Rodin, but also his famous iconic work:  “The Thinker“.

The Thinker, by Auguste Rodin, at the Californ...

Aka, the Ugly Butt-Naked Mad Man

Today’s Google doodle celebration is significant to your understanding of the moral of today’s lesson. And now, here’s the moral of today’s lesson.

Even if you have to beg, steal or borrow the money.

See, there’s no fundamental difference in the mental composition of the “white” man’s society and the African society. As a crude statistical summary, a white society of 10 people will ordinarily have 2 geniuses or above average intelligent folks, 6 averagely intelligent people and 2 people of below average intelligence. Take your African society too, the same crude statistics apply, 2 Smart Alecs, 6 Average Joes  and then 2 idiots.

“This Ayo is an idiot! There’s only one Smart Alec!”

So what creates the glaring differences between the the white society and the black society? The answer is simple: the white guy has learnt that it is best to allow the 2 geniuses shape his society—from political ideology to arts and sciences. The 2 clever folks lay down the blueprint—and the rest of society follows it to the letter. Like I told you, its simple. That willingness to allow the best thinkers draw up the plans is what made America, for e.g. the country it is today—from the declaration of independence to Obama’s election, an ideology is always chosen and followed.

Except Jersey Shore, there’s no ideology there.

On the other side of the world, your average African society will rather hang the two geniuses by the neck till they are dead and choose its leaders and inspirations on the basis of age, wealth, tribe, inheritance, “divine” appointment, entertainment value or some misguided sense of good luck—and we all know how that last criteria ended.

It turned out to be a UK boy band.

And that’s why Nigeria has failed to mine Soyinka’s internationally recognised brain to the last drop; that’s why our professionals migrate to foreign countries, and that’s why we have chased away or killed off every thinker, intellectual, writer, artist or anybody else capable of raising our society’s intelligence quotient—-while we adore the Nollywood celebrities, Afro hip-hop musicians, jet buying pastors and inefficient politicians. We gave knowledge a well-aimed kick in the butt and made out with entertainment instead.

Knowledge can’t touch entertainment when it comes to sporting sunglasses indoors.

And that’s why I wasn’t too surprised when, on El-Rufai’s Twitter TL, I read tweets by a number of  people eager to have his head on a platter, because, on a societal level, we’re really really suicidal in our choice of leaders.

Happy dying. 🙂



  1. Hilary! But of course, the book Intellectual Morons is a pointer as to what happens when we let intellectuals tell us what to do entirely, as is the entire Republican propaganda machinery in the last landslide. Innovators, those are what we need. Not intellectuals.


  2. Your fat well fed cheeks are a continual source of inspiration to all attack lions worldwide;
    Aka, the Ugly Naked Butt-Naked Mad Man;
    Except Jersey Shore, there’s no ideology there;
    Knowledge can’t touch entertainment when it comes to sporting sunglasses indoors.

    Hilarity everywhere. love it. Only you can famz someone and make it look intellectual.


  3. I’d call you crazy if that piece wasn’t brilliant. Uniquely innovative way of famzing! “Happy dying” people. Wake up from thy slumber or stay dying our/your choice…..


  4. Plato, intellectual famzing’s what you’ve done.
    You also have a way of writing out one’s heart.
    I’m such a fan of El-Rufai and what he stands for- and I’m amazed @the gullibility and shallowness of the people who insult him based on well-sold hearsay and sentiment. The leader of the boy band has got paid trumpeters- but progressives hustle, and almost drown in bad press. Plato, a bit of ‘intellectual famzing’ can do no wrong. Thumbs up to you, and to El-Rufai. You both have three things in common that I know of…


  5. Another nice write up Sir,I dare say the people in the enlightned cities in Nigeria will show the PDP what they think of them come 2015.


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